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| $1 Trillion for Windows 7 in 2093? Government Contracts. |
Ridley Scott will probably win a dozen Academy Awards for his blockbuster SYFY adventure
"Prometheus". However, after scanning dozens of message boards and World of Warcraft forums the voting for Jeff Foxworthy's "Stupid of the Year" Award will most definitely go to the highest educated crew of "Space Truckers" in movie history. Here is a sample of just a few issues hard core Alien franchise fans have with Dr. Shaw and Ms. "Lap Dance" Vickers.
Moments of Prometheus Crew stupidity:
- PHD in Geology and Geography getting lost despite making the master map.
- PHD in Biology responds to aggressive snake with a vagina for a face by trying to pet it.
- The crew splitting up within hours of landing on an hostile planet.
- The crew on the ship not bothering to monitor the two stranded team members.
- The ship's crew not monitoring local weather activity at regular intervals.
- Waking up the 2000 year old 10 foot tall sleeping giant and asking a stupidly selfish question straight off without even a "Howdy, want some juice?"
- The captain for opening the ramp for "Fifield". Prometheus had cameras for the ramp. The captain could quite clearly see that something wasn't right.
- Shaw making a big speech about how the expedition was for science, and insisting no weapons should be taken into the really big scary ancient building on a strange planet 3 trillion miles from home.
- Holloway covering up his illness and the crew for trying to let him back onboard.
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| "We need a bigger boat" |
- The crew trying to touch things (what the hell, Chance?). In the original expedition, Shaw even had to tell them not to play with the big, ominuous looking canisters.
- Being completely oblivious to David's actions. Yeah, it's ok they missed him setting off the ghost-like images, but how did they not notice him crouching over that canister? Plus, the crew up in the ship was supposedly monitoring his cameras.
- Playing with an alien head while wearing only a face mask, some latex gloves, and a hair net thing.
and...
- Not one single orbital pass to map the planet.
- Not one Probe or Orbiter to test the atmosphere.
- The Captain of the ship ceding complete control to a Corporate VP.
- No government involvement at all whatsoever in the largest deep space exploration to date?
- No First Contact protocols or containment procedures.
- Sticking the 2000 year old, amazingly well preserved, over size head with a cattle prod and shocking it. Kind of like a Jeff Foxworthy poke it with a stick in the south joke.
- Not one fly by to examine the outside of the facility.
- Surgical Pod sophisticated enough to do super fast advanced surgical procedures not be programmed to work on females.
- Skin tight spacesuits that Vickers can put on, seal and lock in less than thirty seconds while hyperventilating.
- Fifield smokes pot in his helmet.
- Ford thinks 3% of CO will kill you in a matter of minutes.
- The captain goes to bang Vickers while his men are stranded outside of the ship and there is a "ping" indicating a lifeform.
- The pilot and copilot are Kamikaze Power Rangers.
- Vickers can't run to the left.
- Holloway takes his helmet off. Later after people are dead and sick the whole crew takes them off yet again.
- Not one Hazmat suit in the medical bay for the Head Stick poking incident but full blown 1940s style iron man suits to put the tiny drugged pregnant lady into bed?
- Token guy no 1 listens to Shaw when she says not to carry a gun.
- Token guy no 2 just stares at spiderlike zombie Fiefield.
- Token guys 3,4,5,6... generally just stand there.
Is that enough for a cinematic disaster?
NOPE..........
$1 Trillion and eighty years can buy an Aircraft Carrier sized Interstellar Ion Drive Spaceship equipped with hypersleep beds, a dream communication system, and self aware AI grade human looking androids BUT you don't get UAVs, seat belts or Weapons.
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| Ask about our upgrade program!!! |
BTW, Since you forgot to upgrade to the XLT package your away team gets to ride into the most important discovery in human history on the back of an open air dune buggy that any Walmart sells for $300.
